An Elegant Nerd

The smile that was hidden from his face for experiencing uncomfortable journey, has been many time actually but this time was really destructing the feelings for so long and deciding to disconnect from self to world. 

In one morning I was making up my face just as usual day looking at my self in the front of mirrors by questioning "How could have that had happened?", then just sitting down with heads down not-in-a-good feelings. Goodly, in a weekend that none nor nothing in rush, but heart. To tone down this heartbeat so that I walked downstairs to get a cup of hot tea if only the thing I always rely on any situation. Back at it again to sit down on my seat to relax the leg, laying down my shoulder and putting cottony pillow on back head. Above my head to re-think again and again to blame my self up, it was just torturing the feelings.

Right after opening the window and doors to see the sun with a fresh air entering my nose, however the heart still beating quicker and faster, in my conscious mind knowing that I have been living with a good and wealth-enough condition, yet something small empty questionable remark stays inside this heart. I only can express to punch the disappointment emotion inside, to ensure they were gone. Still trying to kick those negatives by accepting that this realities was not a mistake, but lesson. There has been a disaster coming in a way to destruct for a while, whilst I was not on aware mode.

Going this or there had helped me up to erase the uncomfortable feelings additionally were no longer asking why and why. In my spiritual journey I could express as much as I can like crying the most, similarly to put my body down for a while, then ultimately to lay my heart up in a secured place that none can touch. Like self-medical-check-up routines in spite of I am doing a self reflection to see it from head to toe, to check what's not good, what was good already. Sometimes just missed to check which to fix or which to make it stay. I have got the answer that throwing me to Zero again (and many times), was not that bad. It was just balancing back to the centre, and ready to kick high upper again and again. No way just knowing this concept lately, that instead of Zero, there is a minus.

 

Living the life that where the God will guide, very questionable. After years finding out what I would like to achieve this life to understand better what mission I brought. Stepping deeper thoroughly thereafter knowing my self and itself to cleave apart the wrinkle. I do enjoy the journey. Still have no idea why laughter was a consistent reaction beside through all roller coaster ride feelings. The smiley boy that has been no longer shown his face for a while. Accepting is hard, but do I have a better option?

 

In last several months have been very comfortable in any ways. I already chinned the face up to stare onward with a lighter eyes additionally with more calm breathing. God just poured me sometimes sweet, sometimes savoury, or sometimes sour. It was just really and more comfortable after those had happened.  

In a night, looking back to the mirrors with different thought by realizing that what I see as a disaster continuously was actually not. Walking down to outside staring at the Moon, laughing again and again. How stupid it was. Laughing at my self, why do I take uncomfortable feelings that long and how was I consistently that influenced. I am now accepting those concepts, when God put me in some situation, it was good for my self. Never been any happier to my feelings now. No better feeling I can explain nor express. It is just it is. The smiley boy gets back at its default again.

A dispute from among my argument on my head, last year was surprisingly giving me lots of tear, happiness, and lesson. Some big points are well-executed, by the support of universe which surrounds me anytime and anywhere, in the power of pray, universe supports me, really. I didn't do it by my self, and yet, I don't have a big power to push this everything to become a reality.

What I got blessed until now is, I was surrounded by a magic protector and luck, that brings it down until how I could face those stages and stand in this step.

People passed and by, I did it too. Changes taught me to become stronger again and again.

I tied a set of compliance onto big 3 moves last year:
1. Build a new warm home instead of a big fancy house
    An execution of having, instead of deciding to own a house was painfully-yet challenging moment. Becoming adult is not easy, there are big decisions that I have made last year that yielding the way I am today. I was spending 10 months to make it happen, as following those standards that I need to accomplish, and pre-fulfilled. Wasn't referring to a house that I have made for now, but the warm house that I build. I am the person that not-grow up together with my core family, I was divided by a condition not to have an opportunity to live with my siblings.
A big or fancy house doesn't matter to me as long as house can occupy the whole thing we have. As more grateful to have is the value of having a house, I could grab my teenager sisters who are pursuing a college, to be lived together with me. Been divided for years (this might more than 5 years), finally we re-united again to live under the same roof. It's been a grateful and graceful. The value among siblings living together in the far-away of parent's control, having me a good things to start and lead. To always become a real captain, financial planner, a house keeper, a shopper, a decorator, an advisor, a bill check controller, and a cooker. Living with two younger sisters in Jakarta is challenging, right?

2. Self actualization instead of pursuing maturity
    To be honest, maturity is not a metric that I realized important for me, as per I would not get fulfilled by an uncountable metric. By having a thinking to get maturity day by day in process, I believe this will be triggering frustation, or depression. As I was thinking that I could not count it, whether my maturity is already enough to-face-the world or not yet, this unfair and unmeasurable metric will not help anything to my growth. And another variable is, this unmeasureable metric is jugded by someone else, then it is time-wasting to focus on what maturity is and how to advance the maturity.
    Actualize and bring trust to God is the biggest peace I have found so far in my life. To careless what that I don't have privilege to hand on, by believing that this world has been controlled by God and let him decide what will happen farther, by having a full trust to him, not only in the word but spending more and upsizing the value of trust had helped me out the way to make my self in a 100% peacefulness.
    I started wholeheartedly sending one by one prayer, who I love, interact, and get in touch. This kind of peace, are helping me to worry-less my life. I send a good wishes to them one by one, in the middle of traffic-fight, travel, and my pray time. What I believe by sending this wishes are God will help me to communicate or connect what my word to them, though I have not met them in years. Pray is a good relaxation for me, to actualize what I cannot control, then believing that God will send the wishes to them one by one. By sending a wishes one by one of my circles, I believe that it will attract universe to give me more and more happiness inside.

3. Best path instead of good salary on Job
    In my career, in the first year I graduated, I saw an intersections and still questioning "why" I was doing this. I wrote some points related with my work, and some of it you will find what's my passion in my previous articles. All the way universe helped me to get a very clear direction to me, to get a job with a good salary. I was not saying good salary is not important, but I am grateful on where I stand today, in the middle of both amazing path and good salary. This path is matched with my personality and my passion, and got accepted in a very good company too. Talking about good salary, depends on people's perspective, some of them will say it is too big, some of them will say it is not enough, some people say is average. Principle what I hold tightly until now is being grateful for everything, not a number money on your bank account, expensive vehicle that you have bought.

In the intersection and understanding of what skill I have and what the industry needed, is reckless to say that I have no special skills to offer. But as for now, that question should have not been coming over again in my mind, that always lowering the level of my self confidence.

I am now on the right track. I saw a big hope with the future will be possibly happening, and exciting.


Last year was an amazing, yet a big move for me. And this year, the bigger cake is waiting for me to be executed.

Sunday evening 22nd of July, arrived at Manila around 6 PM. Was feeling not good with the weather, get a bad turbulence during the not-really-enjoy flight, plane was shaking and people were worrying. When the wheel of airplane touched down the land, I breathed calmly, and felt blessed. Heavy rain made the flight is not seamlessly in the air, then my friends worried my flight the day after because there was a typhoon they said. As I have said before, Metro Manila has issue on flood several days before I was there, some accesses were blocked due to flood is getting higher, people cannot cross the way.

Changing SIM card is the best option to get my mobility higher, since I need to access mostly are Google Maps to know my direction, at least where to go home.



For introduction, my office is located on the Bonifacio Global City (BGC). First time I saw buildings and roads, my brain recalls another big city with a very wide road and humanize pedestrian, walkable and clean! I thought it was like Singapore, dinner place is near by, food anywhere. I have stayed on Fort Palm Spring, condo in the heart of BGC. Anyway, Manila city is quite far, has no specific plan to go there, that travels around 3 hours commute, they said. Since Manila is hoary, not really interested to go there.



See how is it look like around my condo. Clean and warm! You can take a look with google street below!



Kindly check this video to see, yet feel a dynamic modern ambiance with a very enjoyable streets.

Sightseeing isn't a good option on Day 1, I enjoy the weather and food, was actually checking the TV program but look nineties, not interested. Having a shower and enjoy the warm water is the best thing to do while rain becomes heavier. I didn't plan anything to spend the night in a club or drinking a lot, since you know that I am, hmmm thinking to have a beer? not really. As I have heard from the Grabtaxi driver that night club is near by, wasn't really making me any happier. Since, meditating under the warm shower is still my best option. *As always, prefer to have a bath-up time or shower time rather than dancing with a glass of beer, in the dark hours, with blinking-all-the-time lamp on the club, never been there and not interested. Preparing tomorrow morning, I hope I can sleep well!

What I am thinking about is the smell, when I was on the elevator on my condo, dog's smell is a bit stinky and uncomfortable. People in the condo are familiar with pet inside apartment, seems has different regulation in ID. Wasn't smell so good, really.


In the first morning, in everywhere when I am outside my town, having breakfast 2 chocolate croissants and a cup of hot chocolate, will become a morning routines, at Seven Eleven stores. Don't hesitate to send me a slice of chocolate cake or brought me a cup of hot chocolate, dear Fellas, then you'll win my heart that nothing makes me happier than that. Seeing around with tall building, the sun warmth seems welcoming my first day of work.

Condition was different, motorcycle is less and car is more. 

Five hundred meters walking, I arrived at my office and go to the office at 4th floor, waiting for 5 minutes then meet the HR guy. I said I am from ID and wanna work together with Central team, surprisingly Central team stayed on different floor. Was guided by Julius to go to another floor, then first time open the door, Eli hugged me! They are screaming to see me in person. Eli is our mommy in the IT team, introducing them one by one and I connect the dots, mean connecting their familiar name into their faces, it was easy to bond, in the last 3 months I was working with them only on skype, doing meeting, presentation on skype and haven't met in person. Seeing their faces, helps me to deep reading their characters. They are very welcome!

Anyway, around 3 developers who saw me waiting on the front office this morning, they guess I am going to do an interview. lol. They didn't notice that I am not Filipino, as I was saying that facial similarity between Indo and Filipino isn't debatable, almost people said that very similar.

Finally God, I meet my team!

Central team is team that handle several countries, not only IT but like Performance Marketing, SEO, etc. We usually called local team to another team who only handle specific country, and Central team is only in Manila since Berlin has handed over the task to Manila.

First day in the office, we talked a lot about our conditions and boundaries, then we have a lunch in Halal Food. Actually I am not going to tell them what my religion is, started conversation on dietary meal or food boundaries that I am able to eat or limitation for me. As we know that Kislay is Indian and cannot eat beef. I always put in my mind that everywhere I stand, I must adjust my self to the world I am in. Impossible to change the world to adjust what I want, so this principle was broken when they know that I am a Muslim. Popular and remarkable cuisine in Philippines is Pork. Therefore, letting them know nothing about my religion and dietary boundaries making them easier to serve me, actually. But Kislay understands me well, mentioning Indonesia big populous is Muslim and I mentioned only able to eat Chicken, was doing extra implicitly not telling them my religion.

My feel is getting better and better, working like me that I can say I am remotely and the one and the only person that separated with my team, and finally work with them in person. Super happy can deliver anything completely with a very good understanding of context. Because, I was a bit hard to follow them in conference call sometimes bad internet connection, I lost them in context. Directly in person coordination was Superb! I talked a lot, as usual actually before I lost their conversation while internet connection getting bad.

I liked a lot working with them. To be honest, Filipinos are aware the importance of english and making english as second language, most of their english proficiency are excellent! Excellent in speaking and no dialect or accent, so I am perfectly understand what they are saying. Until today, I had a lot of foreigner friends coming from a lot of countries, and Filipinos are one of the clearest english proficiency with high point understandably I have ever met, second rank after US people. That's what I like a lot from them. Super good! This should be implemented in Indonesia, even I have asked them why Filipinos are very fluent in English, they answered because every year started elementary school, there is always english class. Hmmm, Indonesia has it too, but very small percentage of Indonesian speaks english very well. Seems there is a mistake on how english taught in our school.

During 4 days working, I have lunch in different places. Lunch decision were always pulling energy to spend, going around, checking one by one things that we seem friendly-taste for me. One day we found Indonesian cuisine and tried to order something wait, hmmmm I don't remember what I have ordered, seems different taste of course. Once opportunity I have a dinner by myself, I land my decision on took away a set of McD meal as the safest option.



I am easy to find meal while hungry, I grabbed snacks from Family Mart, Thanks God serving this mini market around.

On the third day, I said that I want to have lunch of Filipino food, then they bring me to a restaurant. Looking into menu, less than 10% of the menus are not-consisting Pork. I chose one menu without Pork on description. So as a picture, Filipino's cuisine or meals are mostly a combination between 2 meat, it is not only consisted 1 meat on the plate. Usually, combination between Pork and Beef, or Beef and Lamb, or Chicken and Beef, etc. At that time I ordered chicken gluten rice or porridge with salted egg and fried tofu with ****. First time it served on a plate, Ono, Kislay and Jona have looked into each other. Not really sure what are they thinking. My expectation is slow down, was expecting chicken salted egg but not, it was like boiled egg and very salty tastes. Not regret, but it was not disgusted so, I am good with that. Not throw up, at least.


On the way walking to office, Jona asked me a question where I have been in Manila, since I have no idea and have no plan, She offered me to walk with her to the SM Aura Mall. I am not really interested into Mall, but she convince me to go SM Aura Mall through Bonifacio High Street. Anyway, imagine this street is long street with shopping centre around, I bet 11 12 to Ciwalk Bandung, with non-comparable weather and tall building around. Prominence Brands, walking-friendly-street with restaurant around, looks so metropols. And of course, costly.



Run through the street on 30 minutes, was that far, right? then finally land to SM Aura Mall to have a dinner. Nothing special, comparable with Senayan City mall. It's time to have Dinner! then we found Thailand restaurant! The food is yummy, yet I didn't take the picture but we are ordering Thai Chicken, and seafood mixed vegetables.


Nine thirty Manila time, we were walking back to our own home on foot, I was asking her to take her bus near Mall but she decided to walk me into near my condo, she was worrying if I'll get lost :| . Unfortunately before Jona has entered into Busway, then was raining so heavy, and she ran onto the nearest Bus stop station. I am running out of the rain, already 200 meters in front to get my condo lobby. I was always asking her condition when she was going home, since she needs to travel more than 30 minutes commuting.

Skipping our four days daily office activities, presentation, arguing, buying Indomie on afternoon daily working hours, grab Starbucks every single time we passed by. Coffee is a lyf. Starbucks is a lyf. And Jolibee jokes :( No clue about this one, got answered on the last hour in Manila.

Been ages not to write what happens in my life in this place. My First Business Trip Experience would be exciting for me personally, experiencing to work outside my comfort seat. Superb travel! I am heading to Manila all alone. Different time between Jakarta and Manila is only 1 hour, it shouldn't make me feel so jetlag.

Working in the start up company is choice, I'd love to explore and give more impact on my life. Currently I am working in the start up company that opens their market not only in Indonesia, but in several countries in Asia. I am working as a Product (Information Technology) guy, coordinating with my Boss that based in Bangkok, and my IT team is in Manila. So please imagine that I am the one and the only IT person in my company, then my presence in my office is not really affecting to any other people otherwise to give suggested solution on their Businesses.

Working with my team that based in Manila, and I am based in Jakarta, is a bit arduous. Skyping all the time, contacting one by one person involved on the project. In Manila, I'll meet in person to all my team for the first time, after all of online argue, discussions, and meetings. Just get a breath, "Finally, I will meet them in person, will have a better bonding one another".

July, Twenty second morning at 7 AM, I booked online taxi to go to Airport. It took less than 1 hour travels, and yes, I arrived at the wrong Terminal as usual. I was thinking that Airasia is on Terminal 2 but it was in Terminal 3 for International flight. Then, reaching out the skytrain to move. Waiting around 3 hours is a good time to finish the delayed presentation preparation and PRD, since presentation would flood me a week, then we'll have a move to Team building event at the end of the week.

Informed to have a same flight with my CEO was a bit hmmmm, and yes, she was sitting behind me in the airplane. All good, she is 28 years old with big determination and high positivity aura, and Indianese. During the flight, what stupidity comes is I didn't bring any book to read. To have almost 5 hours in sky, nothing to be done, I should bring a book. But, the weather was becoming less friendlier, shaking is very often, and the turbulence almost made me feel so stomachache. The rain was so heavy, been updated that a couple days ago, several area are flooded in Manila. Walking with her to get out of the Airport, buying SIM card together with her and say goodbye while finding a taxi. Ninoy Aquino International Airport is less fancier than Soetta, old building with crowdy and less structured. The facial was similar, surprisingly I couldn't differentiate between Indonesian and Phillipino.



I ordered Grabtaxi to Apartment (Fort Palm Spring Residence), while the heaviness of rain, a person came to me crossing the road, leaving his car in the next road by staying the engine on. My bad, not knowing where is the pick up point. But been instructed to go to Bay 14, and already sat on that Bay. The feature to send picture on Grab App is helping me out, nothing I can say and they got it. Should be released in Grab ID as well, think so.


"Are you Taufik, sir?", I said yes and he helped me crossing the road with my luggage.

Introducing from Indonesia, he mention Widodo as a President in Indonesia, most of my Phillipino's friends are saying Widodo than Joko Widodo or Jokowi. I told him that Widodo is lovable person, being loved by society. Either Duterte, when I caught Duterte on news, the perception is going to be

In the last sequence years, I put myself on "push to limit container".

iStock/Halfpoint

I sometimes get hard to know why I failed to direct my self into schedule which previously I rendered in the evening before I get to bed. My ambition is loss. I am a morning person, but my productivity is decreasing. By the day I could actually do many self improvements, or at least pursuing target. Oh God, please my dream was so high. Doing nothing by scrolling up and down gadget, seeing another succeed. Even I frustrated with questions "Why the hell my hand is coming up by yielding nothing in hand". I somehow, daydreaming yes of course that in near future I lead Company. Everyone's dream right, yet I stuck in progressing to make my self better. Or at least following my bad schedule that I always break my promises to go. Will I?

I need to discover again, where my ambition is, where my curiosity is. I could not handle my self to at least lead my hand, brain, mouth, and pace. I slow it down my pace, looking my self as a pathetic yet lame person who was flood in a dirty river, and flowed. Swimming against the stream, and keep flowed. Walking in a same position, all I need is support and positivity. I waited positivity fulfill my spirit to come up into surface of my soul.

Talking about Leadership competence, somehow I could not interpret it on one fit figure or ideal persona. But I have met many leaders that bring positivity to uphold and bring up a confidence to every soul. Its positivity boosts to everyone's limit on their job. I do not blame to ones, but this is noted to my self which persona I should follow or at least I adopt, If someday I was chosen the one who impact other's self advancement. I do not know why, positivity does really matter to productivity.

Many of people who give birth leadership, they are calming down the temper his surround. Since, I do really learn about that characteristic who is I really enjoy with, who is I can really lean back at, or at least who is I can follow its little behavior. This is shame to admit, that back then when I was in school I impersonate all actions of my "Top Student" in my class. I was following how they act when doing homework, I imitate their handwriting style (since I have a talent to imitate their font style, this is an authentic talent that brings my self to label it as "recognized as talented" since I have no talent in others stuff).

Credit: Rawpixel/Shutterstock

For the next 5 years, when I read back this messy yet diary style of writings, I hope I adopt these my persona goals:
1. Equalize voice tone.
I do not why this is very strange component on leadership capacity, I paid attention to ones who bring conversation on his voice tone. People around, who has an exploded emotions suddenly shut their voice down and follow this tone. I rarely have seen this talent or born-gifted capacity to make every one less their temper and follow all instruction from his mouth. All people who hear his words will be calmed and feel restful.

2. Positivity
It reflected on its daily behavior by sending a smile and nothing fear in future. This capability will directly level up confidence level of his surrounds, by sending a fact table of optimism, and art of showing a good ambiance, this is I have fallen in love with person's character. Scared is faded out, the road is clear to make forward to undergo straight road without clue-less obstacle. Providing a reasonable fact to not give up in the middle of journey, making sure a good point and setting positive mindset that everything is achievable with a good measure tools.

3. Calming down.
As I have explored an interacted with leaders, I found a confident to not worry. I sometimes prejudged people on how they reflected into trouble, big or little one. The expression tells his maturity, wisdom, patient and strength. I believe a little bad mood affect others badness. I committed to learn more about this things, a set of problem has a set of its solution. With a good composure, affecting others to think extraordinary to pick up a solution. If leader has this capability, I am as follower will be really enjoy and not afraid because My Bos does not fear at all, then I have no reason to fall into fearful situation.

I comprehend my self as not good self scheduler, but hope those persona goals that I should advance in order to make my self and other can stay with me with a good impression.