Interview di McKinsey?

Working in Consulting Firm is my dream.

Terkadang melihat orang ideal menggunakan baju kerja ala Suit and Tie, menarik perhatian dengan cara berbicara dan perangai nya. Sepertinya menjadi konsultan kelihatan “Borjuis”. Apalagi background hidupku berasal dari kota kecil, atau malah kabupaten yang banyak orang tidak pernah dengar nama itu, pasti orang-orang di kampungku lebih memandang keluarga kami ya karena menggunakan jas jauh lebih dipandang daripada pengecer dagung di pasar, walaupun kadang penghasilan mereka sama.

Pengalaman “interview”, iya hanya interview di konsultan bisnis ternama. Yang jadi pelajaran bahwa sebetulnya what our fear itu hanya di dalam otak kita saja. Ini mau cerita tentang kegagalanku saja.

Waktu itu, sekitar pukul 10 pagi dengan kondisi sedang di kantor (waktu itu sudah kerja) ada seorang wanita berlogat India menelpon, “Good morning, this is ******* from McKinsey”. Ternyata dia mau invite interview dan dia di KL, untuk keesokan harinya yang mana esok harinya adalah National Holiday. Terbayang kan, National Holiday saja mereka masih kerja, I imagined working in Consulting Firm is less sleep, life and vacation. Karena memang kebetulan manager nya sedang di Indonesia, makanya aku OK aja invitationnya. Ngeliatin IG yang sudah bekerja disana, McKinsey dan BCG udah terbayang kehidupan mereka, No Life.

Karena jujur saja, terlalu excited makanya langsung approve invitation-nya meskipun waktu persiapan sangat minim. Review CV, belajar business case, dan persiapan interview memang berat. Memang tidak maksimal belajar nya, tapi tidak masalah, interview must go on.

Oh ya, image McKinsey dari aku personally itu “mengerikan”. Kalau dilihat dari teman-teman yang disana, profile mereka beyond amazing. Mungkin kalian tahu lah requirement mereka dan orang-orang seperti apa yang bisa masuk McKinsey. If you guys are studying at Indonesia’s top tier school with outstanding profile with sequences achievement and organizational experience, pasti pede aja sih daftar ke McKinsey. Dan aku kalau tidak salah baru sekali daftar di McKinsey, untuk BCG sudah ke sekian kali dan tidak ada respon apapun. Sampai akhirnya hampir menyerah, ya karena sadar diri.

Biasanya requirement yang mereka butuhkan GPA diatas 3.7 from top tier university dan prestasi lainnya. Tapi jangan salah, if I see the requirement I will not be included into their bucket. Do not be worry, just apply it. Coba saja, toh tidak ada rugi nya. If you guys one of my friend who knows my GPA or major background, sometimes you’ll be laughing out loud to know that I am invited by this firm. This is an evidence that there is no limitation to you all, kalau memang mau coba-coba break the limit or limitation. Ternyata mereka tidak se-mengerikan itu kok. Jangan pedulikan perspectives atau stigma kalau mau apply ke McKinsey harus manusia sempurna all the way they have. Atau tidak perlu McKinsey, another something big tidak perlu khawatir.

Banyak stigma hadir di masyarakat (mahasiswa khususnya):
1. Harus top tier university. Mostly memang fresh graduate di ambil dari kampus-kampus bergengsi ini, tetapi banyak yang experience mereka dari kampus swasta di Indonesia.
2. GPA > 3.7. Atau 3.5 lah, kalau 3.7 terlalu lebay ya. Tetapi memang mereka mengambil mahasiswa-mahasiswa dengan GPA diatas rata-rata. Ini simply karena ya memang konsultan harus lebih pintar daripada client, inilah kenapa McKinsey mencari kandidat top tier di kampusnya. Karena lucu juga kalau konsultan nya tidak lebih pintar daripada client nya. Let say misal aku kerja di Pertamin* tetapi konsultan yang handle project nya adalah orang yang dulu di kampus terkenal awur-awuran dengan tidak ada prestasi atau academically in trouble.
3. Hebat-hebat. Karena McKinsey konsultan nge top, pasti isinya orang ngetop. But I believe someday orang-orang yang dibawah standar bisa masuk ke kriteria mereka by disregarding their background. Me contohnya.
4. Business case yang susah. Harus diakui memang business case yang diberikan oleh McKinsey cukup sulit karena mereka memberikan spesifik data dengan ukuran tertentu dan diminta untuk memberikan solusi. Bisa di coba sendiri harus memberikan solusi dalam waktu 2 menit in business matter.

Nah, pengalaman interview di McKinsey dari mulai persiapan sampai selesai cukup membuat jantung berdegup kencang. Interview dilakukan di Four Season Hotel, Gatot Subroto. Semalam sebelumnya aku searching-searching tips untuk interview di McKinsey, dan manager ini adalah orang india yang sedang ada project di Indonesia. Untuk step by step persiapan akan di jabarkan di bawah ini:
1. Apply di Career McKinsey langsung.
2. Siapkan CV yang detail, this is actually no benchmark about detail. Just make sure aja kalo orang baca CV mu bakal paham apa yang pernah kamu kerjakan. Bisa cek di google cara membuat CV di konsultan, ada dan cukup detail supaya punya oit standing point dan tell the recruiter that you are a detail oriented person.
3. Research: baca-baca business case nya memang cukup membuat otak bekerja lebih keras, mikir berkali kali maksud dari soal dan bagimana solusinya.
4. Interview preparation: email invitation mereka sangat professional, detail dan helpful. Bahkan mereka memberikan tautan link tentang bagaimana menghadapi interview di McKinsey. Setelah melihat video nya, jujur aku semakin tenang. Di dalam video tersebut disampaikan bahwa Interviewer di McKinsey itu sangat helpful, mereka membantu mengarahkan alur pikiran kita ke pencarian solusi paling efektif dan efisien bagi konsultan dan klien. Jadi, cerita-cerita orang di luar sana yang katanya intimidatif itu tidak benar, sama sekali tidak benar.
5. Interview: lokasi interview di restaurant Hotel. Dan waktu itu aku pakai baju rapi banget tapi interviewer malah bilang kalau terlalu rapi, banyak info beredar bahwa kalau mau interview di McKinsey harus pake jas, it doesn’t necessary kok katanya. Sampai di tempat interview ditanya tentang background seperti biasa, terus pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang menjurus ke business case. Waktu itu aku dapet business case di industri Telekomunikasi, tentang optimasi budget perusahaan dengan cara digitalization. Kurang lebih 1 jam interview dan impresi ku terhadap interviewer adalah baik, helpful, dan tidak menakutkan sama sekali. Malah dia yang nge direct kemana jalur pikiranku untuk memecahkan masalah bisnis. Dan dia bilang “I need a specific thing from your mind, please make it route on how you give a solution. Solution that you provide is matter, but the way you think on your way to solution is more important.” Ternyata mereka mencari orang yang tidak tiba-tiba menemukan solusi dari masalahnya, tetapi cara pola berfikir orang dalam menyelesaikan masalah. Dan mereka minta dengan sangat detail, betul-betul detail ketika mempertimbangkan solusi dari permasalahan harus ada evidence atau data yang harus di provide. Ini sesi yang seru banget, karena diskusi disini sangat menantang dan memecahkan satu per satu masalah dengan melihat hal-hal kecil yang impactful.
6. Done. Sangat ramah dan baik, jauh dari stigma orang-orang yang katanya intimidatif. Bahkan beberapa kali di interview orang india, sepertinya interviewer ini paling ramah dan paying attention to detail banget. Dan fokus.

Aku cuma mau bercerita bahwa sebetulnya limit-limit itu bisa di pecahkan asal kita mau. Jangan percaya stigma-stigma di masyarakat kalau ingin A harus mempunyai B. This is proven for me yang dari dulu selalu break limit standar yang di buat oleh orang-orang yang bersangkutan. Be confidence, you are just amazing what the way you are, really.

Noted to My Self about Leadership Competence

In the last sequence years, I put myself on "push to limit container".

iStock/Halfpoint

I sometimes get hard to know why I failed to direct my self into schedule which previously I rendered in the evening before I get to bed. My ambition is loss. I am a morning person, but my productivity is decreasing. By the day I could actually do many self improvements, or at least pursuing target. Oh God, please my dream was so high. Doing nothing by scrolling up and down gadget, seeing another succeed. Even I frustrated with questions "Why the hell my hand is coming up by yielding nothing in hand". I somehow, daydreaming yes of course that in near future I lead Company. Everyone's dream right, yet I stuck in progressing to make my self better. Or at least following my bad schedule that I always break my promises to go. Will I?

I need to discover again, where my ambition is, where my curiosity is. I could not handle my self to at least lead my hand, brain, mouth, and pace. I slow it down my pace, looking my self as a pathetic yet lame person who was flood in a dirty river, and flowed. Swimming against the stream, and keep flowed. Walking in a same position, all I need is support and positivity. I waited positivity fulfill my spirit to come up into surface of my soul.

Talking about Leadership competence, somehow I could not interpret it on one fit figure or ideal persona. But I have met many leaders that bring positivity to uphold and bring up a confidence to every soul. Its positivity boosts to everyone's limit on their job. I do not blame to ones, but this is noted to my self which persona I should follow or at least I adopt, If someday I was chosen the one who impact other's self advancement. I do not know why, positivity does really matter to productivity.

Many of people who give birth leadership, they are calming down the temper his surround. Since, I do really learn about that characteristic who is I really enjoy with, who is I can really lean back at, or at least who is I can follow its little behavior. This is shame to admit, that back then when I was in school I impersonate all actions of my "Top Student" in my class. I was following how they act when doing homework, I imitate their handwriting style (since I have a talent to imitate their font style, this is an authentic talent that brings my self to label it as "recognized as talented" since I have no talent in others stuff).


Credit: Rawpixel/Shutterstock
 credit: Rawpixel/Shutterstock

For the next 5 years, when I read back this messy yet diary style of writings, I hope I adopt these my persona goals:
1. Equalize voice tone.
I do not why this is very strange component on leadership capacity, I paid attention to ones who bring conversation on his voice tone. People around, who has an exploded emotions suddenly shut their voice down and follow this tone. I rarely have seen this talent or born-gifted capacity to make every one less their temper and follow all instruction from his mouth. All people who hear his words will be calmed and feel restful.

2. Positivity
It reflected on its daily behavior by sending a smile and nothing fear in future. This capability will directly level up confidence level of his surrounds, by sending a fact table of optimism, and art of showing a good ambiance, this is I have fallen in love with person's character. Scared is faded out, the road is clear to make forward to undergo straight road without clue-less obstacle. Providing a reasonable fact to not give up in the middle of journey, making sure a good point and setting positive mindset that everything is achievable with a good measure tools.

3. Calming down.
As I have explored an interacted with leaders, I found a confident to not worry. I sometimes prejudged people on how they reflected into trouble, big or little one. The expression tells his maturity, wisdom, patient and strength. I believe a little bad mood affect others badness. I committed to learn more about this things, a set of problem has a set of its solution. With a good composure, affecting others to think extraordinary to pick up a solution. If leader has this capability, I am as follower will be really enjoy and not afraid because My Bos does not fear at all, then I have no reason to fall into fearful situation.

I comprehend my self as not good self scheduler, but hope those persona goals that I should advance in order to make my self and other can stay with me with a good impression.

Working is not only About Following Passion

In the first day I work for Samsung Research and Development Institute Indonesia, I frightened. I come to office 1 hour earlier based on appointment. My heart starts heavy beating, I walked around hundreds people crossing Sudirman Street.

What I have in mind is something clumsy, "is this real that I would become Software Engineer?".

Weeks ago I signed contract as "Global Software Engineer", as I have passed in the first term of Algorithm Test by Samsung R&D with HQ Standard. I am lucky enough to pass this one, since everyone needs to conduct Algorithm test more than one, then mostly they are rejected, and some people are accepted. "Global Software Engineer" is a program for universal engineer, lot of programming languages will be taught in this program. For "Real Passionate Engineer", this is the best place to leverage universal programming skills. You will be provided an eminent and costly course with cost covered by Samsung. We were also freed to access Leadership course by Harvard, for instance. Capacity to lead and technical will run into a straight path.

I am majoring in Information Systems, mixed between Computer Science and Management. Becoming Software Engineer is common options for us, but for me personally, I have another outstanding potential talent on another side, so in the first time I decided to choose Non Computer Science Job. I concerned a lot with first job I take, it would be my long life career in the future. I limit myself about Computer Science, I assumed that Software Engineer has narrow career development. I am afraid of my future actually. I hate doing same thing everyday by coding many programming languages, I hate to talk to my computer. As I have spent more than 10 hours to surf and networked on internet connection.

Before I joined, I was given a set of Algorithm Books by Mr Risman (Director of Software R&D), I flipped page by page till I got a nausea effect. I counted it more than 3.000 pages. I am shocked, if it were a set of Motivational Novel or Science Fiction film, I would be really enjoyed on it. Or at least a set of book titled "How to build small creative business for a long term plan for newbies?".

But, big name of Samsung guides me to swallow Algorithm Books, it might be my every day meal in the next couple years.

In the midnight, I sit in the front of balcony, I was starting mini discussion with my own self. Asking frequently same questions, in my humble opinion, I have another passion than dealing with code every day.

D-Day is coming. I entered Samsung R&D Office, I was introduced by HR Officer to anyone. I was a bit nervous to start my life for next couple year of career. We are 5 fresh graduate, are involved a mini discussion by our Laboratory Leader. We were all asked about our passion, I answered to have a passion in Backend (Java, C++ and SQL) and Frontend (CSS3). And I mentioned that I like to speak, to read and to present in front of public. First, I was incorporated on Java project. I am so happy and nervous at the same time.

In the next couple hours, I was offered as Technical Evangelist. Actually, I do not familiar with this position, they said that it would be matched for Engineer who love to write and speak. I took this opportunity. In prior moment, I daydreamed that my job is going to close with Technical Writer.

Surprisingly, I got a beyond expectation position that actually very matched with my personalities. I engaged students, developers from around Indonesia cities. Planning Hackaton and performing technical skill on stage, meeting new people, having a good relations with C-Level, and conducting video conference call meeting every Friday. Making sure that program from Headquarter is delivered in a best time, moment, and going well. Writing books and articles, posted it into technological platform.

Assumption is Killing
There are many opportunities outside there, I realized companies offered employee a good and fit position, the reason is Enormous company (such as Samsung) will place one to the fittest position, to get optimum performance. They will plot you to boost company's revenue, even a little thing is an asset. Lesson learned to ring bad assumption is settling you down.

Do not Limit Yourself
When you are offered any "other and never heard position", it is your time to challenge your self. I read books with another reverse stand point, by raising view from "Do not follow your passion" rules. It guides you to be more master on other field you never touch. Fear of getting failed will get higher, the point you will prepare tighter is acceptable reason to have you stronger and more hardworking. Passion placed you into a place you (sometimes) get destructed, but believe me, you will do anything to confront those challenges. The beat you will sense, headache you have never felt, shaking body you never imagine, push you to think outside your brain.

Enjoy Everything What you Retrieve
Miracle comes from everything. If you have pushed you hard, universe supports you immediately. No worry of having difficult to face tomorrow's job problem. You are guided. By ones or God or invisible hand. There is no job cannot be handled. The most important thing when you are jobbed, is make a history with your contributions.

In this story, I attached my "Masterpiece" while working in Samsung R&D Institute Indonesia, this is published for Public, for you who is interested with Tizen Operating System focusing on Wearable Device, and you are eager to build Application, find this book into your guidance. Thank you, Samsung R&D Institute Indonesia for an amazing experience.


Where the position is

What I see contrasts with people normally see, I inferred many words spoken from those thoughtful minds. Reactions are the best composition to prejudge ones' mind.

A half year I set my expectation, I set my life by drawing in a dirty paper with my blue glossy ink. As an artist, I poured my goals in a picture. Everyone who has seen what I draw, they throw many bad words that approximately said "Being realistic is the best option than envisage unpredictable future". This section blew me in mind, I drew a set of pyramid with structured details. Once my expectation is higher in their standard, I still believe there is possibility to reach. I hold tightly my faith. I know I am different. I disregarded many good opportunities, as I have in mind that being the best is always my option. Risk conqueror like me, I felt there is nothing can fulfill my desire. Anxiety comes every night, when owl just thinking what they will do tomorrow. Is not me if I step backward.

I plunge my self in the biggest Gambling Domino Games, this prepared me to have 50:50 chances to win, or somewhere to be lost. In a devoutly moments, I collected flakes. In the midnight, I went to supermarket looking around to bookstore. I slowly walked into corridors somewhere Puzzle is placed. Shelf by shelf I opened one by one from the bottom of the rack, I converted a mind with detail oriented caste. The lower a stack, the easier a level of Puzzle. Having an option to choose the easiest is not intriguing, as a personal with challenges I looked upper from the lowest. My eyes directly rolled into top of the rack. Since I know it gets harder, my hand is too tiny to grab, therefore my head is spinning around. I need extra effort to reach, the pain I allowed inadequate power to reach. I need a help, the lady with red blouse helped me to take it out with portable stairs. I thank to her with witness, I opened a Puzzle that nobody's wanted. Curiosity brought me to rip the plastic bag, I could not wait it more. Puzzle is big picture with hundred pieces of cutting image with less-variance of colors. This should be complex to solve. My brain implied the lost of lust everyone feels like. Difficulties and complexities.

To be I am, extending time to get the best is no excuses. My pyramid is stay still. I am interviewing myself, why I drew a set of hierarchical pyramid. I grabbed opportunities only on top of pyramid, I set my standard at the peak. In the below of the top 1%, it was blurred, this focus destroyed all foundations beneath. My second, third and soon options were exploded only by this priority. I know I was mistaken. I know my final destiny is required supercar, I collected money and energy to buy a proper vehicle. It took a twice or three times longer than anybody else. I enjoyed in it. 

Intersections

Years passed helped me to straight into my direction, people crossed and gave me a hand have opened a way where I should go for. I faced many times I stand in a distraction. Compass direction could not fulfill to represent number of ways I need to choose. I watched people walk easily and rapid, they turned into their ways, when I was still considering "Should I go for it?". I tended to seize higher and higher, I have gotten and see other higher, I left and follow. And infinite looped. 

Today when I am in, I was hit. I need to eliminate those barriers. By opening a heart to see a reality, I valued constraint by constraint is very important. I should have awakened years ago, that I do it wrong if I constraint myself to enter a tiny hole, while bigger opportunities are opened.

Terima kasih, Sastra

Setiap pagi kubuka mata melihat plafon yang tercetak simetris sempurna, lampu gantung yang tepat diantara perpotongan diagonal yang ada. Jam dinding yang berdiameter 25 cm itu mengagetkanku, ternyata sudut 150 derajat terbentuk pada jarum pendek menunjuk angka 5 dan jarum panjang menunjuk angka 12. Segera kulepaskan diriku dari balok berisi kapuk padat ini, kuinjak beberapa kotak dengan simetris sempurna yang dingin berwarna abu-abu. Lalu ku sibakkan kain yang tertempel pada lubang persegi panjang itu. Bulat berwarna kuning menyapa pagiku, matahari. Aku takut apabila hidupku penuh dengan suatu kepastian, semua tercetak pada porsinya masing masing. Tak ada sedikitpun toleransi bahwa bumi akan berbentuk lonjong. Ataupun tanah bisa di selami oleh ku. Atau aku terbang.

Dengan segala ukuran serta bentuk kaku itu, aku bosan. Aku bosan dengan semua kesempurnaan, kesempurnaan di sekitarku. Kesempurnaan yang telah ada tanpa kuinginkan, kesempurnaan yang terjadi begitu saja. Walaupun aku selalu bersyukur, atas semua ukuran kepastian itu. Tangan kanan dan kiriku sempurna beriringan. Kakiku yang selalu ada pada tempatnya. Mata yang terbentuk simetris dengan hidung serta bibir. Aku juga takut. Apabila semua ini tidak simetris, tidak sempurna. Bagaimana kalau kakiku lebih besar dari badanku? bagaimana kalau hidungku lebih besar daripada kepalaku?

Apabila hati tak dapat merasa, bagaimana musik itu dilantunkan dengan segala dinamika yang ada. Transisi. Aku menemukan transisi yang membuat semua menjadi lebih halus, lebih indah apabila ku rasa. Seperti not Do bertemu dengan not Si, melompati lebih dari 5 tangga, terlalu jauh margin yang kulalui. Margin yang seharusnya bisa kunikmati dengan lembutnya. Mungkin transisi yang terlalu tajam lah menjatuhkanku, membuat hatiku terjatuh. Tak pernah terbayang apabila siang dan malam terjadi hanya dalam waktu 5 detik, aku takut hidupku sudah tak berguna. Sejenak kubuka mata, semua berubah. Dalam sekejap.

Terima kasih, Manusia. Manusia yang melihat semua dengan hati, karena melihat dengan mata sudah tak cukup lagi. Yang telah mengajarkanku bagaimana matahari tidaklah bulat, dan langit tidaklah biru. Bahwa pensil bisa bicara. Siapa bilang matahari panas? Dia hangat. Dia benar benar hangat, ucapkan itu. Hingga ku tak terasa. Neraka akan marah, neraka telah mengasah pisaunya. Terima kasih pisau neraka, yang telah kau asah dengan tajamnya. Kau dekatkan pisau itu di leher kiriku, nadi yang mengalir deras. Kau yang membuatku menjadi nyaman. Bukan pisau manusia yang penuh karat, selalu terabaikan. Membuat semua kepedihan menjadi perlahan. Terima kasih pisau neraka, membuatku nyaman pada permintaan terakhirku. Mereka tak memperdulikanku, mereka masih takut akan kau. Hanya pisaumu, neraka.

Terima kasih, Sastra. Yang memberikan tiupanmu dari musik yang kau ciptakan. Yang membuat telingaku lebih sadar, ternyata aku bisa mendengar suara hati burung, tak hanya bualan manusia. Bahkan denganmu, sastra. Aku bisa terbang tanpa sayap. Aku bisa melihat dalamnya samudra, bahkan bisa kulihat Tuhan. Denganmu sastra, aku bisa menjadi seekor harimau. Aku tau apa yang harimau lain inginkan, mereka inginkan hidup. Terima kasih sastra, atas semua ketidakteraturan yang kau ciptakan. Sungguh tak ada yang sama, tak ada yang munafik.

Distinctive Role

There is a bit fact for settled-foreigner since leaving from hometown for good, by means studying. I am by no means generalized on framing other perspectives, but it works for me on real, I intended to release what I adapted while acting in a very paradoxical composure I lived. I labelled both as my "Professional" and my "Childhood" version. Despite my professional life is not like wearing well-suited black coat with red tie in my necklace, I just worked as student (ever since) or getting work done in a company (without any special formal uniform outfits, or sometime yes) in Metropolitan city. In my childhood version, I am just really nobody who wear wrinkled t-shirt which bought years ago, in a village.

I left hometown when I was 17th years old to follow any common unspoken culture, by the suggestion of the elders, I confident to live alone outside parent's sight. In that grade, people are transforming character by dependence (all the thing provided easily at home, as easy as waking up with all just well-done favorite food available on a table every morning) onto independence (by means not summoning your mom to bring towel while you forget to ring it on your neck before entering bathroom).

I experienced by three parameters of transformation, it changed me that much. In a certain distinct condition, first, I grown by natural growth on sizing up my age, and fortunately after 17 is a time for people do level-elevating maturity. It counted the number you lived since you are born. It happened without being asked, like or dislike your number of age is running out every single day. By this definition, I am getting mature everyday, mostly when it turned more than 17 y.o will get going faster on maturity signed.

Second, I moved habitat. Beforehand, I spent more than my half life on the place while people really polite on treating people, I speak different grade of language to others (It is an obligation on Javanese culture to classify level of language depends on seniority, simply talk to elders by higher level language or talk to equal by average level language), I do bending back passing people I walked-side, and I put smile while meet everyone. Neighbor is family, they said.
Thereafter, I am turned to be egalitarian since I know nobody while living on Metro. I meet hundred times more people than in my hometown. I do not even do what I previously have done, this environment is surprisingly different though it is not that surprise me that big, I feel big different on how looking at people or treating people, I eliminate those -conservative- grade. I see everything equal, not only in one context but wider.

Third, I got a new rule. Since I got labelled as an independent student, I mean college freed me to give all-rounded privilege on managing student personal life, I was not enforced to attend morning classes (that pain me in the ass) as not as I am not always ready to absorb those kind scientist thingy onto my brain -yet, my brain refuses any indicated science subject entered-. I skipped classes whenever I want, as I want as jump onto D or E score on my a half annually report by not well-attacking those exams. If I attend classes, I could not see any interesting programs outside school, of course with all fully funded accommodation and meals, by this end that yes students could not resist to enjoy new circles, fluffy bed and delicious meals. Biggest dilemma ever become college student.

Specifically, those reasons shape me as the one who needs to adapt on environment, though I have been in Metropol for years, I come back to home for a while. I was classified in to two label on following conditions.

First, as professional (I count it since I first pursue higher education) our hourly conversation is close to daily national or international issues by arguing each other on finding problem solving ways. In my environment, luckily I talked to ones who have international minded, we all here listed any popular issues existing. We always overwhelm on conversing fresh-from-the-oven issues. I indicated it as I can be an economic forecaster one day, and it ends to be a fair politician someday, or I become an engineer in a while, and It should become business enthusiast once or even become policy analyst on weekend. I cannot deny, almost everyday I meet simply inspirational people with their own way, I thank to them who have enriched me spectacular point of view on interpreting stuffs. As example, I meet a friend that almost a year did not see, and what I know that he was a 19-ish years old student who leads university or national organization, it was like almost every day I am having conversation to them with various topics. Thanks for slapping me -in implicit way-. I cannot hide from talking-current-issues. In the other hand, my label as Computer Scientist enforced me to plug me onto logical yet fruitful mostly encode-decode conversation. We simply combat to give an explanation why the algorithm is not efficient enough to implement, or we simply calculated numerous number to decide 1 (one) or 0 (zero) or the sequence of both numbers. Hell yeah?

In disparate environment, I need to narrow down my conversation skills.

As childhood version, it is quite contradict label but since I was seemed as still 17 years boy at home, I did not see any reason why I was being treated as 17 years boy. Based on analysis, I linked it to the first I left home when I was 17. Everyone seek me as that way, in order past years I have gone, I looked stay still. I could not see any different way to treat me, I was mentioned as "immature" as my current age. I still have not been involved on any decision, yet my cousin who is equal grade with me has been involved. I conclude it because he was transforming his maturity age (17-22 years old) at home, so my family directly monitored his growth time by time. Then, he was asked any decision making affair. And me, I still could not be permitted to touch any mature businesses by my voice has not been calculated on decision making.
I confess and promises, once I get back home. I will never mention any "professional" matter I received in Metropol, I enjoyed talking about easy-consumed-chit-chat than bring my daily professional conversation, however they will never understand what I say. I adapt to pull down density of words I spread, I keep a hard consumed content, I press velocity on speaking. I analogize it that I am naked. I leave home with nothing, and I come back as I started before, as I know nothing. 

Both role I played, I adapt where I live. I will not appropriate talking analysis on how "Fifth Dimension on Interstellar" film could happen, or arguing on why "British Exit" from European Union while I was at Home. And I will not appropriate to know nothing and no contributed on several current issues while I was at Metropol. I have no idea is other feel the same thing or not.

Kissed from parallel universe!

Kid, it has been years you have not known that you are incomplete. As an older brother, who cannot stay along beside you when you awake alone in every morning. Who failed to feed you when you are hungry. Who does not hear your voice when you are crying. Who is not able to give you a hug when you are scared. And who had never said goodbye when I was going to leave.

Or who cannot spend days to see you around, to keep an eyes on you while you are fixing your toycar, to get laugh together while seeing funny movies.

I bet you, many of them have asked someone who you do not know who is she. They told many good stories about person you haven't heard her name before. Do not listen to them. Just please disregard them, at least until you grown up. You are too fragile to know what have happened. Though, days to come does not promise to get you any stronger. Till you are ready to discover what the reality is.



Ready for having breakfast!

Kid, look at my eyes. Do I look to have an intention to leave you alone?

I know you are frightened when the storm hit, there is no warmth shoulder to lean your fear on. I know you are distracted when you wake up, but none beside you. And I only am be able do nothing from here, distance divided us. It was like I am having affairs with parallel universe when I recall you, and ended worrying you extremely. But kid, I see your confusion. I come and go without alert. When I suddenly come home, you were just staring at me and flustered. You took a while to be conscious, I read your thought saying like "Is he really coming? Is he?" then you just got excited when you realize that it was me, you are not dreaming, kid! It was me! And you finally messed my face up. You touch my nose and my hair, making sure that you meet person you want to see so badly then you kissed me a lot. I recognize your facial showed me how you mad and happy at me in the same time, then you put smile on your face with excitement.

Beside you, I drove where you find remote control car you like a lot. I was involved to choose a pair of apparels which suit on you. I bought you Donuts you like the most. I paid what I owed on you. 


 Kondangan dressed!


I am sure you are asking me these confusions,

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Why the fuck don't you get home for long time?"

"Who the hell are you really?"

"Why did you do this to me, bitch?"

"Why didn't you ask me for permission when you leave, bitch?"

And I have no idea to answer.

I am sorry for making you get confused. You have never known what adults faced in life, when people are considering too much to choose which one is better. Because option on getting adults was not as simple as choosing the red or blue toycars. I am sorry for never talking to you in a phone, it will just waste my tears to hear your voice. I was just always not ready to say "Hello" as hard as saying "Goodbye" to you. I could not handle if you were screaming at me when I have to go. It will be even worse for me to see your face on farewell, I can't. Then I always decide to disappear from you, and what I know is nothing, whether you are crying out to find me or not. At least I don't feel guilty on you. It is better, I think.

In this your 3rd birthday, I am sorry for not home. For not bringing you cake, for not teaching you how to slice a cake in a good way. I realized that I am not a good brother. And this is your second time that no Mama beside you when you blow birthday candle. And you unluckily only have once an opportunity to celebrate your birthday with Mama, no any longer.

I always wish the best for you, and keep getting stronger, kid! Stay active and talkactive! In the near future when you are bigger, I hope you to read this and make you sure that I never leave you.

HAPPY 3rd Birthday Aron! Kissed from parallel universe!